|
|
☺A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
☺The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal but its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”. The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.
A little innocent girl asked her mother, “How did the human race start?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Hawwa and they had children, and so the race of mankind start..”
The little girl, however, still had some ambiguity. So she asked her father the same question two days later … The father answered, “Many years ago, there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that the human race was created by God as you told, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it’s very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.” Ha ha ha …
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in Naran and Kaghan, driving a speedboat in Lake Saif al Malook, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Dubai, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Among the funny sms in circle:
Meri tou jaan mein jaan aa jati ha faraz
Jab molvee yeh kahta ha aftari kar lou
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$. We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervices to your company .. I am $ure you will gue$ what I meant and re$pond $oon.
Your $incerely,
$afeer A$lam
The next day, the employee received the reply which reads:
Dear
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the world’s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if our country’s ecoNOmy will stabilize or NOt. After the NOvember things may turn even worse. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Your Boss
NOraiz Khan
A student of physics said he had forgotten everything he had learnt in his class except this amusing story which his teacher had told in the class. The following question was asked at the University of Copenhagen in a physics exam:
“Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.” One student replied: “You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
“Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula Height = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.
“Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.
“But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi square root (l/g).
“Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.
“If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.
“But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ‘If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper’.”
The student was Nils Bohr, the first Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics. “
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted and even there is no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his Human Resource Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying: “My friend you have not worked here for even a single day.” The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Man: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager:How many hours make up a day?
Man:24 Hours.
Manager: How long do you work in a day?
Man: 10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:He did some computation and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of you! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Man:122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)
Manager: Do you come to work on weekends?
Man: No sir.
Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equal to 104 days..
Manager: Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days. How many days do you now have?
Man: 18 days.
Manager:I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have left?
Man: 4 days.
Manager: Do you work on Eid ul Azha?
Man: No sir!
Manager: Do you come to work on Independence Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days are left?
Man: 2 days Sir!
Manager: Do you come to work on Youm e Ashoora?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days are left? 
Man: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do you work on Eid ul Fitr?
Man: No Sir!
Manager: So how many days are left?
Man: None Sir!
Manager: So what are you claiming?
Man: !!!….
Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!! HR= HIGH RISK
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace of mind, so here are some sleeping pills.
Woman: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: Oh no, these are for you.
Keep smiling - it makes you happy & attractive and helps you overcome stress & anxiety.
|
|
